Super Mario Brothers (1993) Review

So did anybody else grow up playing video games? What was your favorite? Ever wanna see it shown on the big screen as a movie? In the early '90s, fans of the Mario Brothers got their wish... kind of. In 1993, directors Annabel Jankel and Rocky Morton, took Mario and his brother Luigi and brought them to life in the aptly named, Super Mario Brothers.

The story starts in Brooklyn, 65 million years ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Then a meteor came crashing to earth, but it didn't wipe the dinosaurs out. Instead, it created an alternate universe where the dinosaurs evolved into intelligent life forms, similar to humans (which evolved in the other universe). That brings us to 20 years ago Brooklyn where we see a woman leave an egg at a nunnery, and once inside, the egg hatches a humanoid baby. And now to modern times (as of '93 of course), where we meet our narrator through the first bit, Mario Mario (Bob Hoskins, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Hook) and his business partner and brother, Luigi Mario (John Leguizamo, Ice Age, The Lincoln Lawyer). They're a pair of struggling plumbers who work from their apartment taking whatever jobs they can get their stereotyped American Italian hands on. On their way back home after losing a job to their competitor, their van over heats. Mario goes inside a convenient store to get some water, and Luigi meets a pretty and distressed young paleontologist named Daisy (Samantha Mathis, Little Women, American Psycho). Shortly after Luigi asks her on a date, and the two of them go on a double date with Mario and is girlfriend. As the dinner date ends, we're introduced to two rather bizarre looking (and acting) characters named Iggy (Fisher Stevens, Short Circuit) and Spike (Richard Edson, Ferris Bueller's Day Off), who kidnap Mario's girlfriend mistaking her for Daisy. Before they are able to drag her back to their world, they run into Luigi and Daisy at her dig site, which happens to be where the portal between worlds is. Suddenly a set of burst pipes forces Mario and Luigi to spring into plumber action. While stopping the leak, Iggy and Spike kidnap Daisy and run away to their world with her. Mario and Luigi quickly follow after and find themselves in world covered in a fungus. Shortly after they learn they're in the alternate universe where the people are evolved from dinosaurs, and about the evil ruler, King Koopa (Dennis Hopper, Easy Rider, Speed).

That's about all the plot and it only covers a third of the movie. The rest of the film is filled with extended sequences that try to make connections to the game series, but just look silly when acted out in live action. Bob-ombs are possibly the best connection to the games, but are brought up once then forgotten till the very end.

The writing is painfully cheesy and made up of mostly one liners. It also doesn't allow for any character development. In fact, the only character that goes through any change is Daisy, but even that is a stretch. Furthermore the acting, mostly because of the poorly written script, is remarkably unbelievable, and not in a good way. It was the right actors and actresses for the most parts, however without the games the movie was based on having dynamic characters, the writers didn't improve much on that.

I will give them credit for trying, but that's about all I can say on the positive. From start to finish, the movie is everything Mario fans were hoping it wouldn't be, and it serves as a reminder to Zelda fans why Nintendo hasn't tried another movie.

Final Score: 2.5/10